Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
