remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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