Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
