Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
