never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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