Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize