dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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