We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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