Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
