He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is the high leading the old right now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
