What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
