You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
