Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
