I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
