I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
