I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
