I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
zippers are such a cool invention
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
