I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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