Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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