This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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