And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
