I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
