guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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