hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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