Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
