My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
