I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
