he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
