And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
