Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
