your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
