new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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