Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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