life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize