Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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