But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
