meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
