they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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