Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
