I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well I just put wine in my tea
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize