So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
