She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
