I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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