i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
