I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
