my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
