she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
