Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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