does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wanna go halves on a baby?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
