Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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