Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
