mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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