Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
