Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
