What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
