you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
