Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
