I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
