There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
