Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
