You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I CAN MOONWALK!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
