I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
