Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
