So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
