No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
