I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize