A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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