He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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