so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
