she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
