I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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