I got chris browned last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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