whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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