VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
