just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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