I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
