I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
