Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
