somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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