you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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