I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
wow bdsm is so cute
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
