billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
