hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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