I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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