remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
