Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize