well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
