i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
