I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
