Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
