You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
