When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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