Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
