Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
